Last human, last timelord and last melmacian
by Celleste Somnia
Summary: Last human, last timelord and last melmacian... Lister, Alf and the Doctor meet... Cat and Alf... well just think about it :)
1. Last

"Dave! Wake up!" female computer voice spoke breaking the silence in the cockpit. Lister was asleep in the chair and his legs were on top of the consoles. "Dave!" Again, same voice called and blonde head appeared on the monitor.

Lister melancholicly twitched his nose. "I hear you Holl ! I hear you! I am awake!"

He rubbed his face with his palms lifting up furry cap off his forehead with fingertips.

"What is it now Holl?" He asked "Please let it be at least as important as some comet is hitting us soon, or an simulant ship wanna fight... If you woke me up just because of the another smudge on the monitor I will program you to change S for G every time you speak!"

"It's not some smudge this time Dave . Some small ship is flying directly to us"

"Whose is it Holl!?" He asked.

"I can not estimate"

Rimmer showed up wearing his nylon green suit ...

"Again smudge on the monitor Holly?" He mocked...

"Not this time Rimmer!" Listers voice had serious tone in it and he kept his eyes on the monitor.

"Heeeey monkeys!" Cat danced in...

"Again some... " He started...

"No! "

They both shouted at Cat.

"It's not an smudge on the monitor Cat!"

Cat noticed the atmosphere in the room and he sat in his seat silently.

Kryten walks in.

"Gentlemen. What seams to be the problem. I hate to be interrupted from my ironing duties just because of another..."

"It's not an smudge on the monitor Kryten!"

All three shouted scaring Kryten for a second.

He just shook and sat in his seat.

"Holly do they have any weapons ?!" Rimmer asked

"I do not detect them Arnold." Holly answered. "Good!" Rimmer was relieved. "Then blast it away!" He yelled.

"No Rimmer! They did nothing wrong yet!"

"Sirs, scanners tell me. I can not even say it out loud." Kryten interrupted them.

"Hey! He drives as bad as we do ! " Cat screamed happily.

"Creature driving it" Kryten continued "It's so doglike and small. Furr.. snout.. .. you name it he has it!"

"Are you trying to say we just meet three million years old Lajka ?!" Lister asked.

"That would explain it's driving.." Rimmer added

"Boys he is calling us." Holly interrupted them.

"This is going to be interesting." Smiled Rimmer.

They looked at that furry creature, that had huge nose and small black eyes, on their monitor in disbelief

"I'm Gordon Shumway ... from the planet Melmac." Creature spoke.

"Alien! " Shouted Rimmer loudly..

"Hmmmm, you are alien." Creature answered nonchalantly. With a little anger in his voice.

"But nobody ever discovered any intelligent life in the universe that's not form Earth!?"

Rimmer shouted. "There is no planet Melmac! Can't be!" He frowned.

"Well you are not far from the truth ... There is no Melmac anymore." Alf answered.

"Sorry... Gordon…" Continued Lister.

"We are from planet Earth … if there is Earth there anymore…So we are in similar situation here." He smiled to creature.

"Earth!?" Asked Alf "That stinky underdeveloped rock with only ignorants and idiots on it?! In God forsaken universe?!"

"Are you sure you never met them before?" Asked Cat and smiled.

"If you don't mind ... You know my planet was blown up recently ... I have no supplies .. I need help... and things like that ..." Alf responded impatiently.

"Wait a minute sir, Gordon sir…" ... Kryten interrupted them and turned off the connection ...

"Is it smart to invite him sirs? We do not know anything about him?"

"But you heard him. He has real problems, he seems harmless enough. We must help him." Lister answered.

"Not to mention great chance to make first contact with an alien."

Rimmer added.

"Something is fishy! I do not like that guy at all. But if you monkeys must help him, do it fast so he can leave even faster!" Cat screamed.

Kryten nodded and opened the connection again ... "Mr Gordon? We'll see you at the landing place."

A short furry doglike creature walked to them.

"Hello mr. Gordon sir. I'm Kryten and this are…"

"Rimmer ! Captain Rimmer !" Rimmer jumped in.

"I'm Dave Lister ... Say ...Anyway... What fuel do you use at all? Do you drink water ... What do you normally eat? "

"Yes, I drink water just like you ... fuel is a long story ... I eat everything .. I have nine stomachs so ... And I like flesh of that creature you have on Earth too ...

I would swear I smell it now. It's called cat."

"I knew it! I knew something is seriously wrong with that guy!" Cat screamed "You can forget these Cat will let you live any longer if you come any closer!"

"What the smeg is wrong with you?! You eat cats?!" Lister asked. "Can you promise you will not eat our Cat?"

Alf watched Cat for a long time from head to toe "I will try." He mocked...

Cat hissed at him.

"I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding" Alf just walked by angry Cat

"They are grossed out and they eat cows and drink it's milk… yuck!"

"Are you really last of your kind?" Asked Lister.

"Nobody could survive that!" Said Alf like it was just some joke. "If I only could have somehow spend more time with Rhonda." Alf answered

"Is she your little girlfriend?" Asked Lister.

Alf looked at floor.. "If only…Was that short people joke? Really!?"

"No! I wasn't... Forget it... " Lister didn't want to insult creature. "It's just like with me and Chris ... You always think there is gonna be more time…." He continued...

"And then kaplow!…." Alf clapped his palms loudly scaring Lister for a second.

" Seeeee!? We are so similar ... Both last of their kind ... Both lost love of our lives in Armageddon... We both love cats ... OK... …I love them on a plate ...

But ... You know what I mean…." Finished Alf...

"Maybe." Lister wanted him to finish these silly conversation.


	2. Doctor

"Last human and last melmacian?! I did it !" Man's voice blasted in euphorically.

Man wearing red sneakers and black suit walked in surprising them.

"I'm the Doctor." He introduced himself politely.

They looked at him.

"Who?" They all asked the man.

"Only Doctor."

Lister was cautious and he moved Alf behind him. "But. You are human…. right?" He asked

"No I am not." Doctor was really confused by that question.

"It's another alien then!" Shouted Rimmer .

"Actually, if you think about it… you are an ... " Doctor tried to explain.

"Forget it." Alf interrupted.

"I've tried to explain already. Useless. You're Galyfrean, aren't you?" Alf asked .

"I'm. And you are melmacian aren't you little guy?" Doctor asked.

"Hey again the height thing! Do you know that the smallest species in the universe are the most intelligent ones?!" Alf yelled at him.

Doctor then spoke looking Lister straight in the eyes and ignoring Alf .

"Look. I know you all really gone through some bad things, but you do not have to be afraid of me."

"Really? How do you know what we are going through!?" Lister asked.

"I'm a time traveler. Every day I travel and see things. So I know..."

"Heeeeeey ! You say that you can travel trough time without any mistakes?" Cat asked.

"Yes I do… mostly…" Doctor smiled.

"And through space to? Rimmer" asked.

"Of course." Doctor was surprised by these unnecessary question.

"Can you prevent the destruction of Melmac?" Alf asked nervously.

"No. To complicated. I'm sorry. " Doctor shook head.

"And Red dwarf's radiation leak?" Lister asked.

"Maybe. But. It's a fixed moment in time . It must be so. Sorry."

"Why?! Why do I have to finish three million years from Earth?!"

Lister became emotional.

"Why should that happen? Why does the universe need an three million years old space can for? And me here in it?!"

The doctor stared at him with look full of answers that could not be answered.

"It just has to happen, last human."

"And Earth ? Can you bring us back to Earth?" Lister asked nervously.

"You did not understood me. You just have to be where you are now. That must happen just as it did.

Do not ask me any further. I'm not allowed to answer you. Please understand." Doctor said.

Lister was nervous. He walked back to others leaving Doctor behind.

"He makes me nervous. He said. How does he know so much about us ? Why do I still somehow trust him?" He looked back at Doctor.


End file.
